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Woody Allen

Top 10 Woody Allen Quotes,  American
Total Quotes : 26
Saturday Date Bisexuality

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

- Woody Allen

Like Potatoes Rather

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

- Woody Allen

Thankful I Am Nose

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

- Woody Allen

Success Success Is Eighty

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

- Woody Allen

Funny Chess Failed

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

- Woody Allen

Happen Fine Eternal

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

- Woody Allen

Suffering Over Too

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

- Woody Allen

Tradition Illusion

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

- Woody Allen

Want Plans Tell

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

- Woody Allen

Death Die Afraid

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

- Woody Allen

Horrible Divided Miserable

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

- Woody Allen

Plumber Sunday Only

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

- Woody Allen

Taught Makes Too

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

- Woody Allen

Funny I Am Although

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

- Woody Allen

Television Away Beverly

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

- Woody Allen

Happy Talent Liking

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

- Woody Allen

Love Sex Pretty

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

- Woody Allen

Dream What If Nothing

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

- Woody Allen

Humor Think Being Funny

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

- Woody Allen

Atheist Loyal Opposition

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

- Woody Allen